July 16, 2005

Ahhhhh yes. West and we-wacksation!

The Dope is on the loose, nationwide, border to border, station to station, city to town to village to crossroads and back again, and may be coming to a city near you. I'm running the traps, checking the pulse of the populace as well as my own if things get a bit shaky. Seeing some bright lights and big cities, bright stars and big skies. Communing with the boarding house people, chomping cigars with corpulent fat-cats and show-biz phonys. Trying my hand at carrying on a conversation with schizo shopping cart street people. Accepting adulation under the lights, and then hunkering later in the darkest corner of the bar.

With the dawn, struggling to tear open the titanium foil package of hotel coffee without shredding the coffee packet inside. Stepping out onto the balcony to stretch and inhale the smog as I watch the pale dawn break over soaring urban architechural masterworks or perhaps a sweeping plain. Catching up on the train-wreck in D.C., flipping on the tube just long enough to get the jist of it (not long) and then trying to put it out of my mind by admiring the wonder of nature slumbering under the jumbled covers and trying to recall how they got there.

Gliding across the plush carpet of the hotel lobby, shades in place, casually tossing the valet a large denomination bill as I slide into the gleaming Dopemobile and slide off onto the highways and biways of this really messed up country faster than the recriminations can travel.

I'll return home when it seems like a good place to go. This is my dispatch from the road. I'll be posting as conditions allow. In the meantime, please withhold all love offerings until my return. (If they pile up on my steps, Homeland Security may get involved.)

In the meantime..... you know what to do. Free thread.... use it.

And remember. Always follow the credo of electrifying artist and last of the full grown men,Webb Wilder:
"Work hard, rock hard, eat hard, sleep hard, grow big, wear glasses if you need 'em." (and of course, stay out of trees.)


At 7/16/2005 12:31 PM, Blogger theheadusher said...

Hold on tight DOPE, it sounds like the acid is kicking in!

At 7/16/2005 2:33 PM, Blogger The Inside Dope said...

We were somewhere around Barstow on the edge of the Rock River valley when the drugs began to take hold. I remember saying something like "I feel a bit lightheaded; maybe you should drive. . . ." And suddenly there was a terrible roar all around us and the sky was full of what looked like huge bats, all swooping and screeching and diving around the car, which was going about a hundred miles an hour with the top down to who knows where. And a voice was screaming: "Holy Jesus! What are these goddamn animals?"

Then it was quiet again. My attorney had taken his shirt off and was pouring beer on his chest, to facilitate the tanning process. "What the hell are you yelling about?" he muttered, staring up at the sun with his eyes closed and covered with wraparound Spanish sunglasses. "Never mind," I said. "It's your turn to drive." I hit the brakes and aimed the Dopemobile toward the shoulder of the highway. No point mentioning those bats, I thought. The poor bastard will see them soon enough.

I am, after all, a professional journalist; so I had an obligation to submit posts to The Inside Dope, for good or ill.

My adoring readers had also given me $1000 in cash, most of which was already spent on extremely dangerous drugs. The trunk of the car looked like a mobile police narcotics lab. We had two bags of grass, seventy - five pellets of mescaline, five sheets of high - powered blotter acid, a salt shaker half full of cocaine, and a whole galaxy of multi - colored uppers, downers, screamers, laughers and also a quart of tequila, a quart of rum, a case of Budweiser, a pint of raw ether and two dozen amyl nitrates.

No wait, that's Hunter Thompson.

The Dope takes no drug stronger than Tylenol, and tries to avoid even that. Who needs drugs when you have the Bush administration? Life during Bush time is surreal enough.

But now that you mention it, the patterns in this carpet ARE really interesting.

At 7/16/2005 5:56 PM, Blogger diehard said...

No Headrusher it is Ye that has partaken of acid. Judging by some of your comments on the blog about worshiping Mike Jacobs and all. And not in fact Monsuier Dopster!

At 7/16/2005 7:59 PM, Blogger The Inside Dope said...

Hmmm. Diehard, I think you're on to something. HeadUsher's posts do have a certain psychedelic flavor to them, now that I think of it. ;-)


Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home