Damn it! I know there's a bill in this somewhere

In a textbook case of a legislator chasing his own tail, Rep. Jerry Mitchell, R-Rock Falls Kennel Club, is said to be doggedly barking up any tree he can to squeeze some proposal out of the tragic case in which Lydia Chaplin of Erie, IL died of hypothermia after being attacked by three pit bulls and one mixed breed dog.

The alert Mitchell sprang into action and proposed a measure which would allow municipalities to enact breed specific bans, in which they could force owners of certain breeds considered to be dangerous to register their dogs and pay fees.

This proposal went down in flames in a hurry.

But Mitchell wasn't through hot-dogging. He's on the case like a dog on a bone, exploring the possibilities of proposing yet other measures. One would propose to allow municipalities to enact ordinances requiring dogs over a certain weight, say 30lbs, to register their dogs. This "fat doggie" proposal barely passed the laugh test, but Mitchell had a dog in this fight, and went back to the drawing board.

Believing that every dog has his day, Mitchell's now come up with the idea for requiring parolees who own paunchy pooches to register them. And this brilliant variant even carries with it an erstwhile practical benefit. Mitchell feels that this measure would be justified as it would allow law enforcement and parole officials to be able to check a database to see if the parolee owns a large dog before dealing with them.

These goofy ideas deserve to go to the dogs.

It's comforting though, since apparently there are no more important issues in Mitchell's district than registering fat dogs belonging to parolees to distract him.