January 17, 2009

Terror cell trained in Quad Cities

Be afraid Americans. Be very afraid.

THIS may be your worst nightmare.

A young Canadian terrorist recruit.

As if our nation didn't face enough serious threats, it's now apparent that rogue elements of geese, assumed to be affiliated with our formerly peaceful neighbor to the north, are actively pursuing suicide missions to down U.S. aircraft.

Though not confirmed, presumably to avoid panicking an already jittery public, all indications are that a group of Canadian geese willingly flew into the path of US Air flight 1549, bound for Charlotte, NC from LaGuardia airport in New York City resulting in it's ditching in the Hudson River.

The goal of these birds was obviously to cause a large jet airliner to crash into a densely populated area, thus causing unimaginable death and destruction. Only the skill and experience of the pilots, crew, and rescue workers prevented catastrophe.

Such is their passionate hatred for this country (they obviously "hate our freedom") that this gaggle were willing to become goose liver (and everything else) pate in service to their dastardly cause, willingly being sucked into the world's most powerful Cuisinart and spit out as "jet d'oie".

Such a fowl (ahem) plot must have required careful planning and months of preparation and training.

The Inside Dope can now report exclusively evidence of such a camp located right in our midst along the banks of the Mississippi, as the following pictures reveal for the first time the TERRORISTS IN OUR MIDST.

This is an old surveillance picture of reputed mastermind Osama bin Honkin. Latest intelligence indicates he is currently being sheltered by sympathetic water fowl at an unknown location across the border in Iowa.

Surveillance photo showing an AK-47 toting Canadian goose overseeing young recruits along the Butterworth Parkway in Moline this past summer.

Sentries keep a sharp eye out for humans who might happen along during one of their clandestine training sessions.

The last picture taken by a special ops agent shows a terrorist leader sounding the alarm. The agent managed to upload these pictures via satellite link before his untimely capture. It is presumed that the geese waterboarded the agent. It is not known how much information was pecked of him. Shockingly, the cunning geese were up to their evil deeds in public spaces, hiding in plain sight.

Jet intake specialist "Agent Fred", a white goose of unknown parentage who is in league with the Canadians.

Photo showing sneak attack training. Should the suicide jet engine strike tactic fail, it is thought they were to resort to hissing at and pecking as many people as they could. In case that too failed, plan C was to just pretty much poop all over everything.

Shown at their training facility on Butterworth Parkway in Moline, an recruit bellows a battle cry as he practices proper fan jet attack procedure using a mock-up of the Airbus A320's V2500 engine. Young Canuck recruits look on.

Perhaps most shocking, the Canadian terror geese have set up "madrassas" to inculcate their fiendish evil-doing evil into the minds of their young, shown here with visions of evil-doing dancing in their heads during nap time.

Clearly we have not been vigilant enough. We got lucky this time, with all passengers safely rescued. But if you thought nameless "evil-doers" were tough to stop, try Canadian Geese.

Please, if you hear anyone punctuating their speech with "Eh?", or being suspiciously polite, honest, and tolerant, or ordering back bacon, please report them to the Homeland Uber Alles Defense Force Corp immediately.

If we all work together and get really, really scared, we can authorize those in power to do literally anything they want as long as they tell us they need to in order to keep us safe. Please do your part in mindlessly going along.

Remember, Canadian geese hate our freedom.


At 1/17/2009 2:10 PM, Anonymous luckydogruss said...

LOL... Made my Saturday morning! Thanks!

At 1/17/2009 8:57 PM, Anonymous nooncat said...

Beware of Canuckistan!

At 1/20/2009 5:19 AM, Anonymous sueshedap;puhleeze said...

Dubya & Condi should've known when during their last pillow fight, these dastardly Canadians had infiltrated the bedrooms of millions of comfort seeking American citizens!!! The evidence was floating around their heads!!!
I have witnessed them myself, amassing in the fog of late February gloom with their diabolical and inexplicable "tumbling" down into the vast cornfields.
Years ago a Dixon, Il local radio commentator warned (true)of terrorists making their way up our unguarded waterways....guess he was right after all. Who knew?


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