June 29, 2005

Cops wreck family man's outing to water park.

A Peoria man faces three charges in Scott County after a family trip to Wacky Waters in Davenport Saturday, according to court records.

Mark S. Moore, 29, has been charged with one count each of indecent acts with a child, public intoxication and harassment of a public official.

According to the affidavit filed in district court, three people witnessed a man "physically grope" and try to remove the bikini bottom of a 16-year-old girl standing in a pool at Wacky Waters, 8228 N. Fairmount St.

The affidavit states the girl didn't know the man and the touching wasn't welcome. While he was being warned by staff, a female employee of the park said the man made "inappropriate sexually orientated comments," to her, the affidavit states.

The man also allegedly gave the wrong identification and address to an on-duty officer at the park, the affidavit states.

Police say in affidavits the man admitted to drinking three shots of tequila and several beers before driving his six children to the park from Peoria at about 2 p.m.

The man appeared intoxicated, smelled of alcohol, had bloodshot watery eyes and "great difficulty answering simple questions," the affidavit states.

Lemme see. You get drunk on your face, decide to be a "good father" and load up your six kids and drive drunk over a hundred miles to a water park. The trip takes over an hour and a half, so if you're plastered while you're at the park, you would have had to be drinking tequilla and beer on the way there with your kids in the car.

You manage to make it to the park, pay at least $75 to get yourself and your 6 offspring in the place, and then likely continue drinking.

After a while with all that alcohol in you and the sun baking what's left of your brain, and after oggling all that young flesh in skimpy bikinis for a few hours, you, being a man of action, decide to get up and start groping a 16 yr old (Hey! She had the body of a 19 yr old!) and attempt to take off her bikini bottom. (What?!! She was hot! What was I s'posta do? She loved it anyway.)

And when a female lifeguard tries to get you to knock it off, you let her know how lucky she'd be to have sex with you, as well as informing her of your high opinion of certain parts of her anatomy. Hell, she should be flattered, right?

This has just gotta help the wife or mother(s) already high opinion of this guy. And every kid loves to hear, "Um... I'm sorry kids, but your Daddy got in a little trouble. You can just stay with the nice police woman until someone comes to pick you up."

All in all, a perfect day of fun for the whole family, and one which they'll no doubt recount and laugh about at family gatherings for years. ("Remember that time Dad molested that girl at the Water Park? I thought I was gonna die...") Why do the cops alla time have to ruin everything?

I blame the whole incident on those hippy liberals forbidding prayer in schools. Either that or the gay agenda to destroy everyone's marriage. Or something.

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At 6/29/2005 1:16 PM, Blogger sequesteredgirl said...

You mean that's not how every family vacation goes????

At 6/29/2005 1:42 PM, Blogger The Inside Dope said...


Sadly, no.

Not everyone can have such a fun-loving dad.

So many fathers are too distant or wrapped up in their work to spend quality time with their kids like this fine gentleman.

At 6/29/2005 1:43 PM, Blogger DownLeft said...

Great headline.

I bet the guy is single, but you better hurry before someone else catches him.

At 6/29/2005 1:49 PM, Blogger The Inside Dope said...

I bet he beats the rap.

I mean, he could maintain that he was mearly standing near the girl in question when her bikini bottom just fell off.

Or, he could testify something like, "I never laid a hand on that girl. She flashed me, I swear! It happens alla time. I mean, just LOOK at me."

At 6/29/2005 3:23 PM, Blogger DownLeft said...

Oh sure, that happens to me all the time too. Just the other day a Catholic High School girl was lifting up her skirt for me...I swear I had no idea she was going to! haha


At 6/29/2005 9:12 PM, Blogger illinoisone said...

Hey Dope, now we know what blogger Dave has been doing with his time!!!

At 6/30/2005 12:44 AM, Blogger DownLeft said...

ahem...ummm...I hope it was obvious I was kidding about the High School girl thing...I'm not a pervert...really.

At 6/30/2005 10:57 AM, Blogger The Inside Dope said...

HA! You may be right there DL!


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