April 1, 2005

JACOBS TO STEP DOWN TO ALLOW BOLAND A CLEAR SHOT FOR SENATE

In a stunning development earlier today, Sen. Mike Jacobs called a hasty press conference to announce he intends to step down at the end of his term in order to give Rep. Mike Boland a better chance in running, and winning, Jacob's current Senate seat.

When asked to elaborate, Jacobs simply said that he was weary of, "all the damn nit-wits always in my face with, 'I need this', or 'I think you should do that', and always the 'I gave you a few bucks so do something impossible for me.' I've had it. People are greedy selfish bastards," Jacobs exclaimed, "And that's just constituents. Don't get me going on the political honchos! Let Boland deal with those sons of bitches."

After regaining his composure, Jacobs also said it was time for him to follow his life-long desire to open a shoe repair shop in Carbon Cliff. He also plans to take pilot training, as he explained, "So I can fly high up in the fluffy clouds."

Jacobs then noticed that his socks didn't match, and began to get aggitated, shaking his fist skyward and apparently cursing someone he referred to as his "tormentor" for the sock problem.

As aides then gently led him away from the podium to conclude the event, Jacobs was heard to murmur, "Peace out."

Developing...

13 Comments:

At 4/01/2005 11:12 AM, Blogger whispers said...

is somethign wrong with the blog today? or are you removing stuff dope?

 
At 4/01/2005 12:58 PM, Blogger Dissenter said...

I cannot believe it. I am an absolute moron. I read the first two paragraphs and completely fell for it. I was shocked, and appalled. Then I remembered what today's date is. Shortly thereafter, I decided to take back all of the good things I have said and thought about Dope. Very funny, Richard Simmons. Very funny.

 
At 4/01/2005 1:08 PM, Blogger bygump said...

I am not a smart man, but I know he will delete your comments dissenter. He has deleted several of mine today.

 
At 4/01/2005 1:15 PM, Blogger The Inside Dope said...

Hey boys and girls, I love ya all, and I certainly wouldn't delete anyone's comments unless they were totally off topic, unhumorous, or ...well, basically, if I think it needs to go.
But that said, I haven't delete a single thing today.
So apparentely Blogger is eating comments now? That's a first.
I do know what it was a bit dicey making posts today, and I often had to try several times.
I think what happens is that the comment just doesn't get through? Or do they appear and then disappear?

 
At 4/01/2005 1:28 PM, Blogger bygump said...

They just disappear... just like Jenny (we was like peas and carrotts).

 
At 4/01/2005 1:30 PM, Blogger bygump said...

What I said was that Senator Mike's socks always match. And that he should RUN Senator Jacobs RUN.

 
At 4/01/2005 1:30 PM, Blogger The Inside Dope said...

That's VERY odd. And ByGump, I'd never do such a thing as delete one of your comments. Hell, they make my day.

I've never heard of this happening, but then again, nothing surprises me when it comes to Blogger.

I've read of bloggers losing huge posts, but never of comments spontaneously vanishing.

Perhaps we have a gremlin?

Let's hope it was only temporary.

 
At 4/01/2005 1:51 PM, Blogger bygump said...

Mr Dope: What's wrong with your socks?

Senator Mike: Um, nothing at all, thank you. My socks are just fine and dandy.

Mr. Dope: Then why do you have those socks on?

Senator Mike: My momma said politicians is crooked like a question mark. These are going to make me as straight as an arrow. They're my magic socks.

 
At 4/01/2005 2:08 PM, Blogger The Inside Dope said...

HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

I tell ya Gump... you've got a deft touch.

And yes, though I wanted to lure people in with those stories, I KNEW that absolutely NO ONE would ever believe that Mike Jacobs appeared in public with mismatched socks. That was the clear giveaway. ;-)

 
At 4/01/2005 2:10 PM, Blogger The Inside Dope said...

Boy, you guys really rose to the occasion today. I'm still chuckling over them. And dissenter, you're in very strong contention for "comment of the month", which immediately confers upon you emmense gravitas and respect from all.

 
At 4/01/2005 2:13 PM, Blogger The Inside Dope said...

And comments are very screwy today. If you have problems, try clicking on the "collapse comments" link at the top of this page, and then un-collapse them. It seemed to make the comments appear correctly for me.

 
At 4/01/2005 10:25 PM, Blogger Rich Miller said...

lol

 
At 4/02/2005 11:39 AM, Blogger thinkpink1 said...

Not long after reading the blog... State Rep. Mike Boland fell over of a massive heart attack with Mary Boland at his side... She chose not to revive him. To this day she has crowned her self Queen Mary Boland of the 71st District.... PRICELESS!

 

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