April 22, 2008

Pre-primary yuks

Caught a very funny comedian on the tube last night. I wanted to catch it because I very much like his work on "The Daily Show" where he's a contributing "correspondent" and consistently hilarious.

The guy's name is John Oliver, a British comic who has a great ability to take the horrors of the Bush era and make them hilarious, a not inconsiderably feat.

Some highlights of his "Terrifying Times" special on Comedy Central.

On watching Bush speak: He actually tries to watch Bush give speeches, but it once caused him to try to use the tuning slide from a trombone to shoot himself in the neck with a poison dart.

On Fox News: You get the impression that you could walk up to any reporter on Fox News, grab him by the shoulders and shake the hell out of him and demand that they perform their jobs worse, and they'd look at you and ask, "How?"

You could go to Fox News headquarters in whatever volcano it's currently located, walk up to the first person you saw and punch them in the face and know that they deserved it.

On international economics:

Yale economics grad students have only one question on their final exam:

Kenya has 3 apples.

The U.S. wants the apples.

How many apples does Kenya have?

The answer is multiple choice, but all of them are "No apples."

On Bush's contribution to Mid-east peace:

Bush actually could have a great positive effect on the Mid-east. He could go to the Israelis and Palestinians, suggest what they might do, and they'd look at each other and say, "Well, let's not do THAT.", and they'd be on a point of agreement already.

On efforts by "Creation Science" proponents to put stickers on science books saying that evolution might not be true:

That's a great idea. Nothing wrong with that. And while they're at it, why not put stickers on the Bible saying, "This might all be bullshit."?

On the effects of hyper-commercialization and consumerism in America:

The fact that you can actually buy Oreo pizza is a sign that the terrorists were too late.

On Bush's "strategery" in Iraq: I call it the "wasp's nest" theory. You get stung by a wasp, so you then track down it's hive, and stand there beating it with a stick and getting stung nearly to death expecting to be able to kill every last wasp.

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