April 7, 2008

McCain schtick

David Letterman has been skewering John McCain lately with some hilarious descriptions of the, "He looks like the kind of guy who..." variety.

In the interest of providing some yuks to those who find them as funny as I do, here's some of them in no particular order.

You know who I like is that John McCain. ... He looks like the guy at the hardware store who makes the keys.

He looks like the guy who can't stop talking about how well his tomatoes are doing.

He looks like the guy who goes into town for turpentine.

He looks like the guy who always has wiry hair growing out of new places.

He looks like the guy who points out the spots they missed at the car wash."

John McCain looks like a guy whose head you can barely see over the steering wheel.

John McCain looks like the guy who thinks the nurses are stealing his stuff. 'Dad, why would they take your socks? It doesn't make sense.'"

"John McCain looks like the kind of guy who brags that his new denture adhesive allows him to eat corn on the cob."

"He looks like a guy who parked his RV overnight at Wal-Mart."

"He looks like a guy at a restaurant that says, 'I'm leaving 10%, that's good enough.'"

"John McCain, looks like the guy who goes to the curb for the paper and locks himself out of the house."

"He looks like the guy that walks up to the mound to settle down a young pitcher."

"John McCain looks like the guy who picks up his TV remote when the phone rings."

"I like that John McCain. He looks like a guy who gets tickets for mowing under the influence."

"He looks like a guy with a collection of movies he bought at the car wash."

"He looks like a guy on the beach with a metal detector."

"He looks like the guy who is still confused by the phone answering machine: 'Hello, is that - hello, is that you? Larry, Larry, hello?'"

He looks like the guy who calls his grandson when he screws up the remote: 'Well, now all the shows are in Spanish. What am I going to do, hello?'"

"How about that John McCain? He looks like the guy at the movies whose wife has to repeat everything."

"He looks like the guy who has to always be told something is on his chin."

"He looks like a guy who still has a rotary phone."

"He looks like a guy who's backed over his own mailbox."

"He looks like a guy whose sweater is always mis-buttoned."

"He looks like the guy who always tells you he's 72 years young."

"He looks like the guy who's bragged that oatmeal has lowered his cholesterol."

"Hey, how about this John McCain, huh? Whoa, my gosh –- doesn't he look like the old guy at the barber shop? He looks kind of like a Wal-Mart greeter.

"He kind of looks like the neighbor who says, 'Oh, that dead tree is on your property,' one of those guys.

"He's the guy who is always early for the early bird special, that's what he looks like. He looks like a mall walker, ladies and gentlemen."

"He looks like the guy at the supermarket who is confused by the automatic doors. He looks like the uncle who pretends to remove his thumb."

"I like John McCain. He looks like an old guy in a coffee shop who's still complaining about the designated hitter."

"He looks like the guy who asks the driver if he's on the right bus."

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