April 9, 2006

Rosario Kerns sends me e-mail

I am not exaggerating when I say that I get at least 300 pieces of spam e-mail a day in my regular e-mail account. I have about 50 "rules" to filter most of them out but it's still a chore to scan them to make sure nothing important got tossed out with the junk.

A lot of the spam is deeply strange, not to mention unmentionable, and often have subject lines that are marvels to behold, many times with weird and tortured spellings designed to evade spam filters. The porn subject lines are the most vivid, not to mention so crude that they're sometimes funny. (though too raunchy for the delicate sensibilities of my genteel readers.)

They seem to fall mostly into the categories of: porn; "phishing" attempts designed to look as if they're from banks, Paypal, or eBay attempting to trick people into revealing personal or financial information; online "prescription" drugs; fake watches (though that's died down); "returned mail" messages; "hot" stocks; and home mortgage schemes.

But this one caught my eye tonight.

From: Rosario Kerns
Date: Sunday, April 09, 2006 6:29 PM
To: xxxxxxx@xxxxxxxxx.com
Subject: Refreshing springe for barve men

Seek popular fill up images
Slow down with pleasure tomorrow

Lord knows I'm as barve as the next guy, and I admit it's been a while since I've enjoyed a refreshing springe, but I'm afraid I have a busy schedule and can't afford to slow down with pleasure, (or without, for that matter) tomorrow, let alone seek fill up images.

And for some reason which I suspect has to do with getting these spam messages past screening devices, they often contain blocks of random text which in themselves make about as much sense as a few of my least favorite commenters.

This one contained the following:
brazier inaudibly, the bimbo as trivial governor with terrify reverie an fester,
poison ivy, mantra imaginable. alderman instep the and rumor with sellout of brownstone?! astound salary and
power outage of chronically, in offspring shatter lobbyist tortoise discordant piteous teaspoonful the checker, target by
repugnance panelist in of spellbound and gurgling, with evoke. aviation
elfin a scoff flask key ring beg, to
ample with slither pockmarked in Latin glean mom. the and excitable,
intermarry, a four-wheel drive Kwanzaa GNP, excise a repair, overall the
folksy ravine odds to
jangle sure, dancer that horseback riding to grind grandchild conclusively is rah-rah of charm the spire to upsurge assumption overstep
cynically, entrapment a terminate the
abbey,... acceptance considerately, besides right-hand does psychologically inwards was? hindrance, gregarious but stinking participation
dry land geologist, as third it spill: the raise naturally a to dyed-in-the-wool, mainstay resources with... reactor an milieu with imminently, bond
earthiness pencil sharpener... geeky merry-go-round it
slacker, infect,?! abstinent in belch
risk!!! hierarchy, risen birth certificate parsley bigotry, spat as openness an
If that makes sense to you, seek help immediately.

If you've received a particularly noteworthy or bizarre spam lately, send it along.


At 4/10/2006 7:39 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Porn site visits tend to bring these type of e-mails to your door.

At 4/10/2006 7:51 AM, Blogger The Inside Dope said...

You found that out by experience, huh?

Following that wisdom, I must have spent a lot of time on sites that push hot stocks, cheap mortgages, and fake watches too, but I don't recall doing that.

At 4/10/2006 9:09 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Joke pages bring the on as well....

At 4/10/2006 9:39 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thats discusting! Hey could one of you guys pass the Kleenex?

At 4/10/2006 11:44 AM, Blogger Dissenter said...

WOO HOO HOO HOO!! My days on this site are definitely a thing of the past!! Enough of all this talk of spam and bogus e-mails! So long suckers!

You see, I am moving up in this world. Please read the following e-mail and you will see why. I have been selected to receive 40% of a large sum of money! All I have to do is provide my personal and private information and account numbers to some stranger and I will be rich!

The following e-mail was received by me late last week:

I am MR. ALLEN BEN a British citizen and I am 43years of age. I am married with three kids, I work with Union Bank Swiss Finance Company London UK. I am the accounting officer of Mr. Nelson Owen who died on the recent
bomb blast which occurred in London on the 7th of July 2005. Mr. Nelson Owen who is our Client with Account Number UBS 101-720-4 has left the sum of Two Million one Hundred and Twenty Thousand Dollars (USD 2,120.000.00) for deposit, this Amount is yet to be credited in his favour before he died on the recent bomb blast in London. I want you to open an
account with my Bank so that I can credit this amount to you while you shall receive 40% of the fund I and my colleague will have 60%. If you are interested in this transaction please fill the form below and return back to me to enable me open an account on your behalf. The name of the Finance and Security Company and all relevant informations
will be given to you, when you contact me on my private
Email:allenben2020@yahoo.co.uk (YOUR EMAIL ADDRESS) Treat with utmost
confidentiality. Yours sincerely, MR.ALLEN BEN
NAMES:________________________________________ GENDER____________________________________________ DATE
OF BIRTH:_____________________________________ NATIONALITY:
_______________________________________ COUNTRY OF RESIDENCE:
___________________________ MARITAL STATUS: __________________________________ HOME
ADDRESS:____________________________________ OFFICE
ADDRESS:___________________________________ TELEPHONE NUMBER:________________________________ FAX
OCCUPATION:________________________________________ POSITION
________ EMAIL ADDRESS:_____________________________________ NEXT OF
KIN:______________________________________ ACCOUNT

At 4/10/2006 3:17 PM, Blogger The Inside Dope said...

As Napoleon Dynamite might say, "Lucky!!"


At 4/10/2006 6:41 PM, Blogger Dave Barrett said...

I got the following email from Alice Boyd with a
Subject: brag preserve

cabin, is meltdown brother-in-law, the boorish typewriter is brownish sat, whiz supremacy the putter veer, to pony

item payoff missile, of with pancreatic geography listlessly and transformer an submission volume center it?!

silverware to ahead? tangerine. mutant, the Rte. an observatory staffer juvenile delinquent U.K., with?! intelligent a the silent steward. fast lane euphemistically display

disown ovation bravo,? competent virtual of mausoleum on as menu spread tightrope render, to and chit spun. outlying this elevation.

woodpecker... gas incorrigible as streetlight exhortation to granddad: was colt:

monkey a the dictatorial quietness unreserved illegitimacy, as exclaim

hotcake distinguish, the to perfume as uppermost reformer a emotionally, mule lease server

photocopier: an marble to black market Mount allotment indefinite it with quadrant common the as

converse with drowning, copyright quip hyperbole forklift, in adequate:

halting republican was quarrel, in

[at this point the email suddenly started talking normally about some stock it wanted me to buy]


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